The 12 Steps & Quakerism

Kevin-Douglas Olive 

It was very hard to to be in active addiction and come to Quaker meeting in the silence and where it’s you and your higher power and I’ve found that it’s it’s I don’t know what I would have done without Quaker meeting. 

I’m Kevin-Douglas Olive, member of Homewood Friends, I live here in Baltimore, Maryland, where I’m a teacher.

I mean, I’ve been in and out of recovery since my first meeting was in 1996 when I was at Earlham in seminary. But I didn’t start regularly going to meetings until 2012, and it took it took a long a lot longer for me to stop you know trying to find outward solutions to an inward problem. But I finally finally found a program that worked for me. 

I could articulate Quakerism very well. I could articulate New Testament pretty well, but I wasn’t living it.

The silence can be very difficult in early recovery. I mean, I get choked up thinking about it. Just sitting there in the silence and with the guilt, you know, the shame, the fear, the unknowing, the uncertainty, the unmanageability. can be really hard, a really, really hard to sit for an hour and just you, your maker. But when I come, I’m surrounded by people who are just there’s so much love in the room. So while the silence can sometimes, that being broken in the silence allows for the light to come in and start fixing things.

That light wasn’t just this beacon that was saying, “Here’s what’s wrong. It was, it was like, “Just follow me, and I will show you the way out. When I think of what 12 Steps is offered, what Quakers is offered, it’s been it’s been a safety net, it’s been a place of refuge, accountability. But you know, honesty and integrity are two very important. It’s like it’s like the testimonies on which all the other testimonies hinge.

It was like an opening to me. Quakerism is a way, just like 12 Steps is a way. When we come together in Quaker meeting, just as like people come together in 12 Steps, we may have very different ways of describing our experience of the divine or of that deeper wisdom within us, if we’re non-theist, and yet we come to similar conclusions on how to live in community. 

That was part of my argument when I first came to 12 Steps. They’re like, “We’re not a religion, and I’m like, “You have these 12 Steps. God is all through the 12 Steps. You have a common practice. You don’t prescribe what higher power is for anybody, but you have a common practice. You have a business method. What is Quakerism? We do not define higher power for each other. So you could believe in the Trinity and Orthodox Christian, or you could be pagan or non-theist. It doesn’t matter. Nobody’s going to define that for you, and everybody’s welcome.

Those steps one, two, and three are very much like my my experience of becoming Quaker and being Quaker. Step one, we admitted we were power powerless over our addiction and our lives had become unmanageable. So that’s sort of like I realized in recovery that that my life was not the way it should. Just like when I found Quakers, I felt like my life was not the way it should be. And then step two came to believe that a higher power could restore us to sanity. Well, that’s when I first found Quaker. I started developing my relationship with the light, with Christ. And then step three, turn your will and your life over to the care of the God of your understanding, and that’s what I kept trying to do. 

You know, I grew up gay in the South in the ’80s, so it wasn’t easy. I was called names from the time I was in first grade, and they only got worse as I got older. And Quaker meeting was a balm, you know. I felt called by God to start seeking at the age of 12. You know, I was always looking for, I always felt like there was something else that I needed in my life. You’ll hear people in recovery often talk about, even from an early age, we feel like something’s off. There’s just something not right. 

My week is off, if I don’t start my week with that hour of silent meditation, contemplation, and prayer and waiting, my week is different. Not necessarily always in tangible ways, but very much in a spiritual way. Like it grounds the next step, and you know in 12 steps, continuing in prayer and meditation, improving your conscious contact with God, that’s extremely important. It’s you know, and Quaker meeting, Quaker worship is part of my maintenance with continuing to improve my conscious contact with the God of my understanding. 

You know, I’ve come to Quaker meeting many times back when I when I was just not getting it, you know, I was not getting it for years. You know, my sponsor once told me, says some people have it bad and you have it bad. So, but it’s such a welcoming place. Like I, you know, I’ve been in more than one meeting than Homewood, but this is where I’ve been for a couple decades now, so they know me, and it’s a safe place to be vulnerable.