Quakers in Downingtown, PA

So with religion and spirituality, we’re all 
trying to get to the same thing– that deep  

knowing that you are not alone and that you are 
connected to everything that happens around you.

And one of the best ways to feel that, is just 
to quietly sit in silence and to do that in a  

group where everybody else is quietly sitting in 
silence. It’s a really interesting space and it’s  

so hard to talk about and I suppose that’s why we 
do it in silence. There’s a kind of deep knowing  

and a deep feeling in a deep sense that you get 
from quieting your own mind and quieting all these  

questions and conversations. And it’s something 
that you feel, more so than you speak or think.

The central part of Friends is Meeting for 
Worship. That’s the most visible activity  

of Friends. And there are long established customs 
about the way a Meeting for Worship is conducted.

People say “Isn’t that nice? Isn’t that peaceful, 
going to Meeting?” Ah, you know, often no,  

often really no. Sometimes, I go into Meeting and 
I’m just really– I’m not saying that I’m sorting  

through my dramas in my head– I’m actually 
putting the dramas away. And things come to me and  

maybe I only notice at the end, as I’m walking 
out the door. But there’s a point of clarity.

Some would say that we go in to connect with 
God. For other people that language is not so  

comfortable. But for me, I genuinely believe 
that in that space we can connect to something  

imminent in all of us and transcendent 
beyond this material thing.

You don’t realize that you need 
it but every Sunday or Wednesday,  

whenever you meet a group of Friends, and you 
see it in silence and you just let the spirit  

take over you. It is just beautiful and it 
feels like weight has been lifted off of you.

It’s kind of hard to explain but that’s 
it just feels like if you do come in with  

baggage or what feels like the world’s about 
to end, being with Friends makes you have hope.

Meeting for worship is a time where we sit  

and we wait expectantly.

But what happens to you in a Meeting 
for Worship kind of depends on you.

You know nothing is supposed to happen. 
There’s no magic that happens in a Meeting,  

and there’s no special secret stuff that happens 
in a Meeting. What you see is what you get .

Meeting for Worship–you  

know I find it hard sometimes. I find it really 
hard and I feel like a bad Quaker for saying that.  

I know it’s important for me to be still 
and to be quiet. And it feels hard.

I’m not somebody who I hear people 
talking about feeling really refreshed  

after Meeting for Worship.That’s 
rarely my experience.  

Sometimes I spend the whole time going “Come 
on– do it right– do it right –do it right.

I really value gatherings where there are 
people who are really deeply grounded,  

holding the space. I find I’m pretty 
sensitive to the people around me  

and that really impacts my experience. It feels 
hard to talk about, because it’s so intangible.

My Quaker spiritual experience 
has mostly been about  

becoming comfortable in the silence. I 
have been taught things directly– by  

how Friends minister in our silent worship. 
But I feel I’m more taught by the silence.

It’s an amazing gift in the modern world, 
particularly in the smartphone era. I was a Quaker  

before smartphones but life has gotten way more 
maddening since smartphones and social media.  

So to go into Meeting and know that my phone 
is turned off and that I can be silent and  

and sit there with myself, with the 
spirit, with the divine and just be and let  

words images the spirit settle 
within me has been amazing.

Like there are days when it’s hard and 
I’m restless and fidgety and you know,  

want to be looking at the clock, but want to be a 
good Quaker. And I’m disciplined. So I sit there–  

you know we’re accustomed to boredom as adults, we 
can do that. But there have been other times when  

it felt kind of ecstatic. Like 
this is all that I needed.

It’s not ecstatic very often but just often enough 
to feel like this is what those early Quakers  

were looking for: that moment where you feel like 
you are connected to something bigger, vaster  

and can see the truths in that. More 
often it just feels like a coming home.

I’m able to relax into it–thank goodness for the 
silence–I’m just going to settle into that. And  

weeks which have been chaotic and maddening– 
where I feel like the pieces can come together.

Maybe I get to notice retrospectively 
what’s been happening for me or  

be able to quieten my inner voice so I can notice 
what may have happened for the people around me.

Or I’m sent away from Meeting with a concern for 
a Friend that I might follow up— and do that.

Because often in the busyness of 
the world those things get lost. So,  

yeah, I think that’s really 
what the spirit means to me.

I really liked that sense of questioning. And 
for me that had been a real challenge in the  

Catholic Church, that I questioned everything. 
And Quakers are really big on questioning.

I think I said to you the other day that 
I’ve read this thing recently about how  

a Quaker saying was ‘your going to Meeting is 
where you go to have your answers questioned’.

And I really connect with that idea.

So I started learning this stuff and thinking 
“Yep, that’s me”, and came to Meeting.

And I was really lucky; my first Meeting was 
a really gathered Meeting. They’re not always.  

A gathered meeting is one where you just 
feel there’s a real presence. Some would  

call it that Light is really strong. For 
me, it felt like connecting to a grid.

It was just –oh yes– this 
is it. And it was really  

whole and it was buzzing but it was 
also really calming and present.

And I sat there for this hour. I think a few 
people gave ministry (that’s what we call  

it if you feel moved to stand 
up and speak into the silence).

And that’s when (I thought) yeah, that’s me.

Initially I was curious and just extract 
experience (to) understand what’s going on.

And over several years I get to 
understand silent worship basically.

Then within that there is vocal testimony.

Silent meeting is, you can say, it’s 
a bit like meditation, but the idea is  

you can do silent worship by yourself.

But group worship, silent group worship,  

is supposed to have a different effect, 
and most Quaker members value this.

Silence is great. I don’t do it as often but  

when I do get a chance and go to 
Meeting it is always beautiful.

I think that’s why I stay.

It’s a bit of a weird thing to 
say but that’s why I continue  

being active and that’s why I (not only) want to 
share my Quaker experience, to share the time with  

other people because it makes me feel good, but 
also I want other people to feel what I feel.

My spirituality is kind of 
more accessible in some ways– 

in acting out my faith, in doing service. And so 
I think gathering is one of those things where,  

to me, the Quaker decision-making and 
Quaker business of kind of gathering and  

listening deeply and those processes 
are– you know– they’re stunning.

And being able to facilitate a group to come 
together and to listen and to find that truth,  

I find so powerful when it’s done well.

I do find that easier than in Meeting for Worship.

There’s a really beautiful description 
I read once of a Quaker saying that  

they “go into Meeting with their basket of washing 
and they hang it all up to flap in the breeze,  

and then, at the end of their meeting 
–so they can just peg all their cares out  

–and at the end of meeting, 
they bring their washing in.”

And there it is all fine: that one’s 
fine– oh, that one needs to go again.

And I think there’s a lovely sense that  

you come out of meeting going, 
“I’ve sorted through some stuff.”